Letting Go
When did this happen? When did the goldenrod come out, the dogwood begin to turn?When did the sun begin to slant low and golden at only six o'clock?
When did my spherical, bald baby grow a head of cornsilk, stretch out like taffy, throw away his training wheels, and climb on a grownup bicycle? When did you stop holding the seat, stand back and watch him ride?
When did an autumnal haze begin to settle over the meadow in the mornings?
When did the tall thistle bloom?
When did the Cape May's gold tarnish to green?
When did the hummingbirds leave?
I must have been thinking about something else, because I missed all these things. They've gone on without me, and I'm standing here, looking out over the meadow, wondering what I'll do without them.
I'd like to call back summertime
And have her stay for just another month or so
She's got the urge for going
I guess she'll have to go.
Joni Mitchell, "Urge for Going"
Labels: contemplating the void, signs of autumn
posted by Julie Zickefoose @ 10:29 PM
32 comments
32 Comments:
Ah Julie, so lyrical, so lovely!
Before you know it, the taffy stretch will go farther than could imagine--maybe even across an ocean!
Sniff, sniff...
I think it's in the air, my baby turned five and I am having such a hard time with it. Oh, Liam and Vivi, can't you stay little? Sigh...
I sense that we'll barely get to enjoy the reprieve from the intense heat before we have our winter coats on here. It does all seem to go so fast. I need to soak it all in today...
Trixie,
let's put bricks on their heads and see if that works.
I've nominated you for a Nice Matters Award!
The older I get, the more time I spend reflecting on letting go. Not a day goes by without remembering all of the times I let go of Gina...25 years worth of memories, past seasons, chapters ending and beginning.
Love this post - melancholy is OK.
With two sons 28 and 24 I often resort to my baby books full of pictures to remind me that not too many years ago they were just like Liam. One of the pictures I love the most is my older little towhead boarding the school bus for the first time. The look on his face mirrors the one of your towhead riding that "big bike", full of anticipation, and also pride at his accomplishment. Enjoy the short time you have left with both of your beauties, believe me it flys by and as you know letting go is never easy. By the way the brick trick does not work...I know...I tried it!
Just this morning, Kat and I were talking about our Big Little Girl, only 11 and already wearing size 10 women's shoes and size 8 women's pants. But she's our little doodle! She's not supposed to get big and grown-up!
*sigh*
P.S. The summer sneaks away little by little, every time you close your eyes to drink it in.
The nearness of autumn and a bit of melancholy washed over me too, when I walked outdoors this morning. Julie, your beautiful words and pictures capture those emotions so well. Thanks for all you share with us.
For Liam: You look great on the big bike, way to go !
I've been feeling melancholy with this season changing too. My kids have changed so much in just this last year. Molly started high school this week. EEEK!! Their horizons are limitless while mine seem to be shrinking. I really love fall though. I'm ready for that.
For some reason this post really touched a cord.
Jodi Mitchell" I've a got a brand pair of roller skates" just came on the radio.
I do enjoy your blog.
Thanks
Funny, you never mentioned the migrating blogggrls in otherwise comprehensive (and quite lovely)
elegy for lost seasons.
Lynne, I know exactly what you mean about shrinking horizons. As the kids get older and everyone needs not only care, clean clothes and home and hot meals but also a taxi service to their various activities, it's hard for a mother to feel like anything more than an all-purpose custodian. The trick for me is having a product that will validate me--to myself-- as something other than Support Staff. And then getting off my butt and working on that product.If I have to sit on the bleachers and work on it at the back-to-back Saturday basketball games to feel whole, so be it. The kids not only understand, but follow the model.
LOG, dem bloggrrls are flying everywhere. That autumnal hormonal rush, I guess.
Rondeau, you know I love ya, but that was Melanie, you Canadian knucklehead.
I always tell the girls that they are growing too fast and that I won't feed them anymore. Zoey tells me that is illegal and perhaps immoral. Maybe I should switch to bricks. You being a Science Chimp and all, we could use the scientific method, document it. Hmmm..... it just might work.
*Sigh* when did the hummingbirds leave???
That'll be enough of that. These tears sting on the way out.
Beautiful, Julie.
Nice place, JZickefoose. I look forward to looking around.
Best
Hey - you familiar with this outfit? You should write some pieces for them...
Ohhh--kayy. I think I'm flattered, but I'm going to need some time to... digest this idea and see what...emerges.
bloggrrrls? Heloooo?
Absolutely not! Well...maybe the ones about gutpiles and such.
Everything changes. It seems as if the world quietens a bit with the fading of summertime. Soon there will be those magical moments when snow falls silently and piles up around, looking like heaps of powdered sugar. We'll have a hot chocolate and sit by the window to watch the flurries soar down to earth.
But remember, oh sweet souls, there will be an awakening again, a rebirth. In no time, life will sprout in lavish colors again and the joyful sounds of summer will be back.
For the little ones that grow taller and taller and break a mother's heart, I'm afraid I have no cure. Take heart, mothers, good times are ahead. Your children will be the creators of a better tomorrow...
well, it would be easier than dragging the laptop into the bathroom...
Ha! Yes, it would be easier, littleorangeguy. Give it a look at your local Barnum's or any of the others. I think you might like it. And we're friendly.
This is beautiful, Julie. The earth is moving as we tilt away from the sun. The light in this time of the year is lovely. Really my favorite.
There is a delicious melancholy about fall...falling leaves, sandhills flying so high you can't see them, only hear them, later sunrises..shortening days. I love the smell of burning leaves.
And my ol' pals the Arigope family, LOL!
I killed the baby Argiope (Garden spider, for the non scientific chimps out there) when I thoughtlessly sprayed an orchid with Safer soap right over his new little web. By the time I realized what I'd done, he was drenched. Oh, I'm so sorry. I tried to rinse him but he disappeared soon after. He had set up by my hose tap by the bonsai bench at the front door, and it would have been the MOST wonderful place to have an argiope. Too late--it was done. There will be more. And I have to spray for scale on the orchids, or there will be no February blossoms. There's a common orb weaver on the kitchen garden basil. Don't you love those big fall orb weavers? Is there any end to the delights of fall?
Well, Julie...I'd love to say I love them...but I have a genuine phobia about big spiders. I am currently seeking out treatment for myself..as when DH says..honey, let's go to Belize..we can horseback ride AND birdwatch...the first question in my head and out of my mouth is..."how big are the spiders?"
Since I know they're beneificial critters, and I never kill a spider unless it's on me, and the older I get the more Jainist I get..I put out landscaping flags by each web in my garden every fall so I don't run into them accidentally, and get all creeped out and discouraged. When I find their egg sacks in the spring(only slightly less creepy)I gently move the egg sacks to the easement beyond my back fence..where they can live wild, happy and free...and not in my face, LOL!
I had no Arigopes in my native plant garden this year. I'm kind of torn about it actually..they do belong there. April.
"Where have all the hummingbirds gone? To KatDoc's house. If you would like some, I'll send them to you, parcel post. (You pay shipping.) I am over-run with them.
I cleaned, filled and hung 7 feeders on overnight Tuesday night, and counted 19 hummers at once on Wednesday morning. By Wed pm, two feeders were empty. Filled and rehung them Wed. night, by Thurs pm, all 7 were empty. That's 9 feeders in 48 hours.
Cleaned, filled, and hung all 7 before I left on Friday morning for a weekend at Lake Erie. All were empty on my return.
Somebody, take my hummingbirds, please!
~Kathi, who was greeted by her first-of-the-season Common Nighthawks on her return home Sunday evening. Maybe fall is coming after all
check outh this page of amazing bird pics
ooops it would help if I left the link.
http://www.pbase.com/kaboommals/montour_preserve&page=all
WHERE DID IT GO? Julie, you've struck a nerve here and from your comments page, everyone thinks so too. I love the way you write and have been urging everyone to read "Letting Go." Every mother can relate to letting go and you captured it so beautifully, also Joni Mitchell's poem. Over the years I have felt all of these things and last week I definitely felt melancholy. It had to do with a few things, but also school starting and letting go of my daughter who is a teacher. I love the summers when we have more time to share together and also with her two sons ages 7 (like Liam) another blondie and age 11. (I loved your corn silk description of Liam's hair) I told my son how I was feeling and started crying, it just came out and he hugged me and said that fall was coming with other pleasures to enjoy and beautiful colors. We are all thankful for our children. Ours are close by, the taffy hasn't stretched far away. I enjoy reading about the pleasures you have as a family and everything inbetween.
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